I was wondering what the reaction of most husbands was to losing a baby. Do you think that it affects them as much as it affects women? Do most of you ladies find that they play as if it doesn't affect them as much as it does, for the sake of being strong for you? Did it change the way the men feel about trying to conceive again?
Lilly
We've lost two babies. And it does effect the guys, on a number of levels. The pain of losing the baby is certainly felt but also the pain of seeing their wife in anguish also effects them. Guys are fixers and miscarriage is something that they can't fix.
How this plays out is probably different for each guy. In our case, my husband took over a lot of the activities that I would've usually done. Not because I was physically or emotionally incapable but I think he just wanted to 1) let me hang and do whatever and 2) keep himself extra busy. I guess you could say that he walked on egg shells - not because I lashed out at him, but because he didn't know what else to do.
As far as trying again, I didn't see a difference frankly. He's been calm (come-what-may attitude) each time.
That's our experience.
I agree with the above post...it's different for all men. I think from my experience (I have lost 5 babies due to mc), and from talking to friends who've gone through the same thing that they react as is natural to their personality. Meaning, an introverted guy who doesn't show feelings externally will not necessarily all of a sudden weep in front of you and say/do all the right things. I was angry at my sig. other after out 1st 3 mc's because he wasn't all of a sudden wiping away my tears and spooning me, etc. He handled it the best way HE knew how which was to keep the house clean, peaceful and being near me for comfort as much as he could. I think you can't expect your husband to grieve like you unless he was already that type of person. Not sure if this is even making sense! But, that doesn't mean at all that they don't feel that same sense of loss.
As far as TTC again, he let that be my call. Everything was back to normal as soon as I was.
Hope my ramblings made some kind of sense!
My husband was very hurt by our loss. At one point a friend of mine told him that she was sorry, and that she knew a lot of people probably wouldn't realize how much of a loss he experienced as well. That really touched him. He told me that when we found out we were expecting, he felt better about himself than he ever had in his whole life. It killed me when he said that - to think it was taken away from him.
He was ready to try right away, or rather, ready to be on board with anything I wanted to do. I had two periods after my miscarriage and fell pregnant again. Now 13 weeks along.
Thank you very much for your responses. My husband sort of followed the same pattern. I sometimes found his efforts a little clumsy but I appreciated his support - how is he supposed to figure out what I want... Now we are trying again and I think that I will give Fertility Flower a try to help us maximize our chances. I am new to charting but I figure that it can't be that difficult. I suspect that it mostly about discipline rather than anything else. Like I said, I really appreciate your answers.
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